“Mummy, why are you always running away from me?”
That question stopped me.
It was a normal morning. I was getting ready for work, and my daughter had just realized I was about to leave. My usual strategy was simple: Distract her, grab my bag and run.
But that morning, she caught me. And suddenly, I realized I wasn't only running away from her. I was running away from things I didn't know how to handle like difficult conversations, extra responsibility, leadership, or challenging task, or unfamiliar experiences.
That got me thinking about something else I have been learning to face: Public speaking. For many of us, fear of public speaking can make us do exactly the same thing.
Public speaking is often described as one of our greatest fears—famously, even as something people fear more than death.
Whether or not that comparison holds for everyone, the fear is real enough to make many of us run, we avoid volunteering, we dread presentations, we keep our hands down when someone asks for a speaker, and sometimes, we suddenly become very good at pretending we didn't hear our name being called.
We have something to say in a meeting but decide it's safer to stay quiet. And eventually, we start telling ourselves: “I'm just not a public speaker.” "I am okay staying behind the scenes" or "I am happy where I am"
A few days after my daughter's question, I decided to try something different. Instead of distracting her, I sat with her. I explained why I had to leave. I expected tears. Instead, she looked at me and said:
“It's okay, Mummy. You don't have to run anymore. Walk slowly.”
That stayed with me. Because perhaps the same applies to fear of public speaking.
The way around fear isn't always avoiding it or waiting for it to disappear. Sometimes, it's sitting with it, practicing, walking slowly around it, and gradually building the confidence to face it.
And that's one of the reasons the Hill Toastmasters club has become important to me.
Toastmasters gives me a place to sit with the fear of public speaking.
A place where I can:
Stand up and speak even when my heart is beating a little faster
Learn to structure my speech
Give a speech with a purpose
Speak with vocal variation
Lose my train of thought and walk slowly to catch it
Use a filler word then laugh at myself
Give a speech that doesn't go exactly as planned
Forget my line then slowly turn to my post it notes
Get feedback from evaluators and mentors
I'm learning that confidence doesn't necessarily arrive before you step onto the stage. Confidence is built because you keep stepping onto it.
One speech
One Table Topics question
One meeting role
One uncomfortable attempt at a time
And slowly, you realize:
Maybe you and I don't have to run anymore.
Maybe we just need to walk slowly and to speak anyway.
The Hill Toastmasters Club, Toastmasters International, Njoroge Maina, Christine Ombaka FCCA, CFE, hashtag#Communication, hashtag#Leadership